Posts Tagged: doubt

#LentWithESC – Day 10

Doubt No More Written by Victoria Hoppes Servant Year site supervisor

Two years ago, I embarked on a new journey when I moved to Philadelphia and began working in the Episcopal Diocese of Pennsylvania.  Over the last two years, there have been many moments in which I have doubted my abilities to be an effective leader in our ministry. One of the things that I have learned over the last year in particular is that sometimes I don’t trust myself as much as I probably should, and when that happens, I don’t always trust God’s timing or faithfulness.

I see and experience this doubt as a Site Supervisor for Servant Year, too.  Sometimes I doubt that I am being a good example to the members who serve in our office, and I wonder if I am providing too little (or even too much) support to their ministry.  I also see this doubt as members find themselves immersed in the challenges that come from living and doing service in Philadelphia.  There are uncertainties that come from living in a new, unfamiliar place with new people, doing ministry that at times can be stressful and difficult.  When these feelings of self-doubt come

#LentWithESC – Day 9

Glimpsing the Kin-dom: A Reflection on Doubt and Hope Written by Sarah Jordan Julian Year alum

In the first chapter of Mark, immediately after his baptism, Jesus spends forty days in the wilderness being tempted by Satan, encountering wild beasts, and being waited on by angels. Sounds like a strange, challenging, and transforming experience. I imagine that Jesus, fully human, experienced doubts about his own abilities and calling, about whether God was present, about whether people would listen to him, about whether he’d make it out of the wilderness in one piece.

Wildernesses come in many forms and lengths of time, and the Julian Year in many ways was a wilderness for me. I encountered temptation and wild beasts and I most definitely encountered angels.  While wilderness is not a perfect parallel, the Julian Year was a strange, challenging and transforming experience. Like my depiction of Jesus, I also experience doubt. I’m uncertain that I can be the kind of person that I’m called to be. I lack confidence that systems of oppression can be dismantled. I doubt that God is at work in the world. I’m uncertain that people will keep their promises. In a lot of ways, living

#LentWithESC – Day 8

Reflection on Doubt Written by Sherry Nelson Deaconess Anne House corps member

Doubt. It’s such a small word with such meaning and controversy behind it. I came into my year with the Episcopal Service Corps wrestling with many questions about my faith already. I grew up in a tradition that taught me it was not okay to have doubts. However, I found that when I began to have conversations with people we had similar struggles in our faith.

I think it is fair to say that most people have at some point in their lives questioned if God really loves us or even exists. The specific doubts are different and these are just two broad categories that many questions fall under. While there is a stigma with having doubts, I find that the most meaningful spiritual conversations have centered around them. The most growth happens when we truly take the time to examine what we believe and why. If we don’t ask questions and seek answers than it is easy to remain stagnant in our faith. It seems common for us all to want to deepen our faith, but sometimes it’s harder to take the steps to get there.


#LentWithESC – Day 7

Reflection on Doubt Written by Joseph “Josey” Stone All Saints’ Atlanta Project corps member

As a child, I thought my responsibility as a young Christian in a conservative church was to memorize the increasing pat answers fed to me by my Sunday School teachers and pastors. If I had a question, I soon learned to keep my mouth shut, simply because my questions would take the teacher “off script.” Years later, I could have easily ditched my faith if it wasn’t for an “Intro to New Testament” class in undergrad. On the first day of class, we were asked to write down questions about the Bible we’d love to ask. I forget what I wrote, but I do remember that the professor chose my question first and we ended up discussing it for the rest of that hour. That was the day the ‘theology bug’ bit me. So much so that I eventually changed my major to Christian studies.

At my ESC worksite, Covenant Community, a residential life-stabilization program for homeless men recovering from substance abuse, some of my long-held beliefs have been challenged immensely.  Even with my experience of working in a homeless community for the past seven years,

#LentWithESC – Day 6

On Doubt Written by Jason Emerson Resurrection House program director and alum

To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

my God, I put my trust in you; *

Growing up, I loved comic books.  A common feature it seemed of every comic book was each super hero had an arch nemesis, an enemy that posed the the greatest threat to the hero because he or she knew the hero’s weakness.  Our society does not value weakness.  Somehow we are taught that admitting weakness will cause us to doubt ourselves.  In our hyper-individualistic culture the cardinal sin is to doubt one’s self.  To doubt that you alone by yourself can achieve whatever dream, task, or ambition…to doubt that by your actions you can satisfy whatever instant gratification you can imagine…to doubt these things is considered un-american at best and down right treasonous at worst.

I learned in my year as an intern that community is the antithesis of individualism.  I served as a Resurrection House intern in 2001-2002, before ESC even existed, but the value of intentional community is common to all ESC programs and part of the founding ethos of the entire organization.  I learned in Resurrection House

#LentWithESC – Day 5

The Desert Course Written by The Rev. Gillian Barr Jonathan Daniels’ House program director

We begin our time in ESC, as new Corps members or new Program Directors, with high hopes and ideals. The vision of ESC is compelling—being with other energetic young people dedicated to justice, service, and spiritual growth, all within close-knit Christian community.  The sponsoring parish or diocese is excited; the partner agencies are enthusiastic. We get the House set up, we unpack  bags and meet  housemates, we get oriented to our new home and begin work at our service sites. The energy and newness and ideals carry us for a while.  And then something happens. One of our housemates drives us up a wall. Our site placement is much more challenging, or boring, than we imagined. The Corps member who spoke in their interview about wonderful previous leadership experience actually has lots of growing edges.   Whether in October, December, or March, there comes a time when we wonder why we signed on for this.  We doubt our decision. What were we thinking?  What was God thinking?  Did God call us to ESC, or did we mis-hear?

The Gospel passage appointed for the First Sunday in Lent