#LentWithESC – Day 29

Reflection on Discipleship

Written by Rebecca Gordon

The Abraham Project corps member

When I was a sophomore in college at UNCA I officially joined a college ministry. I dabbled in it a bit during my freshman year when I was sucked into a women’s small group by the sweetest RA on Earth, and by the fall of the next year I had started seriously attending worship services on Tuesdays. Then spring rolled around and friends of mine in the ministry started pushing me to apply for their leadership team. My new official title became the InterVarsity Inreach Coordinator. I oversaw everything we did as a chapter that built fellowship, and these were mostly fun events, too! I organized movie nights, a picnic, and yes, I often thought heavily about the state of discipleship in our chapter. My campus minister and I met a couple of times about it and we talked off and on about ways to encourage that in our chapter. As I look back on it now, I feel that as much as I thought I understood the concept at the time, and I do not blame my campus minister or my college ministry for this, it was only a hazy idea for me. It was a blotch of paint on the canvas of my faith life that I played with, tried to outline with my own leadership style and my desire to wrap it up with a nice bow for my Christian friends. Maybe they didn’t even truly understand it either. Maybe they did.

Upon reflecting more recently on this year of service with the Episcopal Service Corps, I recalled a quote from my favorite author Donald Miller. He states in his book Blue Like Jazz that the greatest form of worship is wonder, not knowing. I have a profound love for the book of Psalms, and I thought about that as I read through Psalm 51 with the approach of the Fifth Sunday in Lent. I can go on with my deep and profound thoughts on this, but it boils down to this one reason: wonder, wonder at our humanity, and ultimately wonder at the immense power and love of God. The willingness to fall to one’s knees in genuine wonder at God is discipleship in the purest form. My year with the corps has made this blatantly obvious as it has shaped my faith in a way that it has never really been touched before. I could go on for several pages, I’m sure, talking about this year and especially my work with Habitat, but a greater understanding of discipleship and the importance of a true and devout relationship with God creates an overarching picture, especially more recently as I contemplate my next stage in life. While it may be stressful at times to think about it, there is some peace there that wouldn’t have been there a year ago. No matter where I am or what I am doing next year, the most important thing is truly my relationship with God and my continual wonder.